How do you find inner peace ?
Treat goals and desires differently.
How do you find inner peace — Your sense of inner peace is significantly affected by knowing the difference between goals and desires, how to work with each, and acting on that knowledge. When you implement this relatively unknown, Life Principle, your life experience will take a positive turn. This knowledge becomes vital to maintaining your sense of peace.
What is this principle?
Understanding the difference between what is a desire versus what is a goal and then knowing how to work differently with each of them provides the means to actually manifest your desires and goals on a more consistent basis. More importantly; knowing this difference will support and maintain peaceful rather than frustrating or even painful emotions as you work through your manifestation process. (I am personally grateful to have learned this principle from Dr. Alex Loyd founder of The Healing Codes. He says he has not come across many that teach this vital principle.)
OK, so what’s this difference?
Let’s start with what everyone knows or believes about these two words. Goals vs. Desires. Desires are the same as goals, right? These both represent things, conditions, or circumstances that we want, either because we don’t have them now or want to continue to have them in the future. While that isn’t really incorrect, society taught us to consider them interchangeable and work with them in the same way. That is, define what you want, get really clear and specific in that definition, figure out what you need to do to attain it, or move from where you are to where it is, carry out a plan of action to learn or do all the necessary steps to then have what is wanted. And if you get it, you are labeled successful. If you don’t get it, you label yourself failure. Sound about right?
Well, it is not.
What most people don’t realize and what we generally have not been taught is the fact that this “want” achieving process only works if YOU have 100% control over every step of the process along the way, not 99.9%–100%.
An example of this is — say you want a chicken sandwich for lunch; you can make a trip to the market, purchase the ingredients, bring them home, make your sandwich, sit down and then actually eat it. Well, so long as you have financial means to do so, this would be 100% under your personal control. However, financial means or not, if your name was Christopher Reeve a few years back after his accident, this simple act was not 100% under his control.
For Christopher, this “want” was then a desire not a goal. It is important to remember that the difference between a desire and a goal is that goals are achievable fully with ONLY 100% of your efforts–no one and nothing else is required for you to attain it’s manifestation. You achieve it. A desire, on the other hand, is a “want” that requires someone or something NOT in your control to make it happen.
Understanding this difference then allows you to:
- Treat the manifesting process differently for each
- Move your expectations into alignment with reality
- Take appropriate action if outcomes are not as wanted
- And most importantly, allow you to maintain a sense of INNER PEACE regardless of outcomes at any given moment
For GOALS, of course, then you would use the standard process of specifically defining what is wanted, brainstorm all that YOU need to do to attain/maintain it, and then PERSONALLY setting about to accomplish all the steps of your plan to manifest it. You do ABC, 1,2,3 and predictably and repeatably you are able to produce the intended results. You succeed or not based upon your own efforts–100%. Taking on responsibility for the success of your GOALS is a good thing. And success is indeed yours when you make accomplishments here. Your feelings of success or failure with goals are based on the reality that YOU indeed are fully in control of and responsible for all aspects of a goal’s attainment, or lack thereof.
Desires are another animal altogether.
Although, like goals, it intends manifestation of something you want; however, by definition, desires require that YOU are not 100% in control of achieving them. By definition, someone else makes the final decision, someone else is needed to do specific pieces of the process, something else is required that you don’t have and need permission to use is required to manifest the intended outcome. Therefore, YOU are not fully responsible for or in control of IF, WHEN, or HOW this “want” becomes manifest. Yet most of us feel fully responsible for desires, which leads to frustration, feelings of defeat, and lots of “give up,” when our desires are not manifesting as intended. Hence, peaceful feelings of well-being evaporate with every negative thought that races through your mind, as you contemplate outcomes you don’t like. This is NOT useful. In fact, given the Universal Law of Attraction, these feelings push away what you so passionately desire.
OK, so you’re beginning to get the difference, and if you look at your life, you will likely discover most of the things you “want” are desires not goals, so now what?
Well first, it is important to discern if your want is a goal or a desire.
Next, if it truly is a goal, go for it. Do your ABC, 1.2.3 and get your predictable, repeatable results. And of course celebrate!
Or if you discover this “want” is a desire, then:
- Define your desire. Be specific and detailed. What do you truly want here?
- Define what is needed to bring about your desire. What are all the pieces? What are all the steps?
- Pull out all those pieces and steps that you DO have 100% control over (those are YOUR goals) and make a plan to accomplish those, appropriately and in right timing.
- Make plans to influence others as needed to help you accomplish and manifest those pieces you don’t have control over.
- Knowing results are NOT predictable or repeatable, and YOU are not in charge of them, if your actual results are not as intended, adjust, work your new plan, as needed. Learn from the results. Keep influencing others and working your plan. Try something or someone ELSE. Don’t give up. Your job here is to hold your vision, work your goals, influence others, and keep working on this until you (with help) manifest it or it no longer is important to you.
- All the while preferring your desire with great powerful passionate positive emotion AND (and this is the important part) DETACH from outcomes.
I know the phrase “Prefer with passion and detach from outcomes,” sounds like the ultimate oxymoron. But it is not. And getting this part is essential to finding and maintaining your sense of inner peace–it truly is!
First, I’ll share a little scenario to help you to visualize this a bit easier.
Say you own a small business and want to get a small business loan. — OK, don’t laugh, this may still be possible in today’s economy, while likely looking more like this scenario than one would prefer. — If you were to treat this as a goal, you would define specifically how much money you need, build your back up materials to show the banker, go to the the bank/lending institution and fill out the application, and turn it in. Then if you get it, well Whoopee, and if you don’t, depression might set in and you might quit at this point, what’s the use in this economy etc, all the while labeling self as failure, again.
OK, but getting a loan isn’t a GOAL It is a DESIRE.
So, you still do all the things within your control, and turn in your request into the powers-that-be that make the decision. See, THEY control whether or not you get this money, you don’t. The decision is not your responsibility. You can only influence their decision. So, at this point prefer your desire with great powerful passionate positive emotion and DETACH from the outcome. Remember you are not responsible for nor in control of THAT. If you get the loan, yell whoopee and celebrate! If you don’t, then–because you understand this is a desire and you are not in control of outcomes, you submit your request to the next lending source, and then the next, and then the next, and then the next. Each time, taking the time to learn everything you can about why it is being turned down. Take what you learn into consideration and make your adjustments.
Please understand, IF it is in your highest and best interest, there will always be a way. Maybe the money will arrive from some other source as a gift or an offer of partnership. Don’t limit your capacity as to how your desires manifest. Allow the Universe unlimited capacity to fulfill your desires by detaching from the how, why, when, and even if it is to be.
When you detach from outcomes, you understand all outcomes provide either what you want or something better, or the opportunity to learn and grow. All of them–whether you liked them, prefer them, or not, provide valuable lessons. Over time they usually reveal how and why that outcome was really in your highest and best interest. (and yes, I am even including dastardly things like my accident with the dog and ducks that left my dominate arm so limited. (–ask me and I may share about that and what I got out of it in a future blog.) So, why not behave NOW as if all outcomes are indeed somehow in your highest and best interest? Again, if you do indeed want a specific desire to manifest, continue to do all those things that are within your capacity to control, influence others to help you, ask for what you want directly from God and the Universe and yes from those in a position to deliver the desire to you, and most importantly–prefer your desire with great powerful, passionate, positive, emotion and DETACH from outcomes. Detach from ALL outcomes, positive and negative. And remember, it doesn’t matter how many No’s you get, you only need one Yes. So, keep going, with a peaceful positive attitude.
Your sense of inner peacefulness comes from understanding all outcomes eventually show themselves to be in your best interest, whether you like them at the time or not. And all outcomes will only either provide what is wanted, something better, or a valuable lesson worth the price to learn it.
Building your capacity to detach from specific in the moment outcomes, allows you to relax, regroup, retool, re-plan, and re-implement yet another step on your way to manifesting what you desire. Letting go of the need to have specific timing, or pathways for manifestation provides the means for something even better to be delivered to you. This skill is definitely worth cultivating. This skill is indeed one I teach my clients; so do let me know if that interests you.
I have noticed over the years that God and the Universe are quite expert at turning minor, even miniscule events, into “pretzels” in order to provide you with just EXACTLY what you asked for. As example, long ago I’d always chant a little mantra when I got in my car to provide “clear intention.” I’d say something like, “I intend safety, smooth free flowing traffic, and arrival at my destination ON TIME.” Then, I’d be frustrated by this guy that pulled out in front of me, or the red light, or (and I swear this is true) the mother duck with her babies all in a line walking across the road to the lake–to then arrive at my destination EXACTLY on time, anyway–somewhat frazzled. Once, I realized what I was actually asking for I changed my little chant to, “I intend safety, smooth free flowing traffic, and arrival at my destination REFRESHED and in PLENTY of TIME–thank you.” Now, it seems no matter what happens–even with unexpected construction zones– I easily arrive a bit early. I no longer am frustrated with the process–because I don’t seem to be cutting it quite so very close. And it always seems to work out. And even if it occasionally doesn’t, that somehow works out fine too. So, there really is no point in doing anything but detach from outcomes YOU are not in control of–ever watch someone trying to control ducks? Oops, I did that already.
Please remember, by definition, there is no place where God is not, and it seems nothing is too small or insignificant, for God and the Universe not to pay specific attention. Also, we indeed are all connected and impact each others daily lives more than we know. (a side note here: the TV series Touch, does a great job of showing how everything significantly impacts everything else, quite delightfully.) You, by definition, are then filled with this stuff that quantum physicists call The Unified Field, The Zero Point Field, and I like to call “Mind of God Stuff” So, your desires are known. And you are fully connected with and have access to All-That-Is. So, you are indeed allowed those things you desire and the Universe really only says Yes. But it says Yes to the propensity of your frequency in any given moment. So, again, prefer with passion and detach from outcomes knowing all is indeed well and you will not be resisting the Divine help for your highest and best path that is available to you always.
OK, there is yet another important piece that I eluded to right there–
Yes, Divine help seems more available when we choose that which is in our best interest and in alignment with our best path. When it comes to working with both goals and desires, it really is important to stop and look at whether in Truth this is really a Good goal/desire for you. Does it align with your best interest? Does it move you along your best path? Is it YOUR goal or desire, or one that someone else thinks you should/ought/must or have to do or be? (that’s another future blog posting–let me know if you want that one sooner rather than later.)
Do make sure your goal/desire is truly yours and is confirmed by your Guidance and/or Heart Center that it is in your best interest to pursue.
The other important piece is to ensure this is a LOVE goal/desire. Is it for more love? Is it for more life? Does it expand goodness, love, compassion, allowing, ever advancing creativity and freedom? Is it for something bigger than just you?
If your goals/desires are in alignment with Truth and Love, and you treat them and work them appropriately in the goals vs. desires processes, you indeed have Divine help to manifest them–in right timing.
I look forward to your comments and send you Blessings of Peace!